Tuesday, February 25, 2014

The Bachelor/Bachelorette Survival Guide - You have been 'friend-zoned'

I'd like to put something to rest. I'm sure, that not only has this been plaguing me, but it has crossed the mind of others as well. Permit me, if you will, to discuss with you the mind-blowing fact that women, too, can be put in the friend-zone.

Un-enounced to women, we too will occasionally fall into the friend-zone. Whether men find that slightly amusing or a karma induced reality, it doesn't change the effects it has on us. I understand that being friend-zoned is widely known in the male population but it is also a reality in a woman's world too, you just don't hear about it as often.
Because men don’t come out by saying I just don’t see you as more than just a friend, or I don’t have that spark with you that I know I am supposed to have. Women will typically never hear from the guy again and categorize him as a douche-bag, for eternity. He's the ultimate DB!

Allow me to elaborate by presenting you with two possible, yet probable, scenarios:
Scenario One

Man and woman are friends and have been for quite some time. Neither party has ever implied that any other feelings, other than friendship, have ever emerged. Until, unexpectedly, woman reveals her true feelings for man.
Man doesn't feel the same – woman remains in friend-zone.

Scenario Two
Man meets woman, goes on a few dates, maybe kissed, and perhaps even had sexual intercourse. Man and woman seem to have intellectual compatibility, but the sex didn't emulate the emotions that man was anticipating.

Woman is in the friend zone.

How did she get there?

A difficult question to answer, even for someone who has placed a couple of men in this zone; however, I will, to the best of my ability and knowledge, try to be as thorough as possible - if only for clarification sake.

I cannot explain it because it is a feeling, not a thought. Men, and women for that matter, don't automatically think that the person we’ve had good intentions to date, needs to be placed in the friend zone. All of us want to be with someone that we can carry a conversation with, exchange in comical banter, and enjoy being around, but it's not about that - it ultimately comes down to chemistry.
A difficult lesson to learn is that not all chemistry is two sided. It's a harsh reality that most of us have to deal with, and move on from.
It's you, but don't take it personally

It sounds so cliché and perhaps it is, but we say that because for the sender it has either never happened before and they cannot explain it, or it has happened often that they know the feeling when they sense it.
The fact is that it IS you, but men don't know why. You're attractive, funny, and you can drink with the boys but somehow, he doesn't see you as a potential mate. It doesn't change anything except for the fact that it's his loss, and you should just move on to someone who WILL see your worth in all aspects of a relationship.

Keep in mind that men have emotions too, they either feel it or they don’t. The difference is that women will communicate it to men, and most men won’t return the favor. It is up to you if you want to remain friends, or cut the ties. Whatever it is, tell him.

1 comment:

  1. Ugh you beat me to it...I was going to put up a post on the same topic! Just from a different personal, slightly satirical standpoint. Well written!